General Discussions

@Snatam Kaur Khalsa

The sun energy feels way too hot.

I can’t find its strength, why not ?

Feeling deep feelings, I would rather not

Not wanting to be so very very distraught

It is for comfort I yearn ,

Yet with each turn

I burn and burn and burn

Too much fire, fiery and hot

This battle within, far too much thought

All this reflection brings disconnection

It feels ugly, I struggle, deep rejection.

Sorry RaMaDaSa, I dont feel any connection

The sun,the moon, earth and the heavens

Pulling me in too many directions .

The sun the moon the earth the heavens

I’m sure there are teachings, more lessons.

All this emotion

Pulls me back to the pain

Every action, every motion

The earth cries with me as it rains, rains and rains and rains.

Earthy and sad

Expressing, feeling mad

Is this me, seriously?

I long to be empty, to be free.

RaMaDaSa, Please help me

My heart stuck in the biggest of frowns

Too many ups, too many let downs

More sadness, more unpleasant feelings,

Okay RaMaDaSa, just where is your promise of healing?

This calm energy evades me

how can this be?

I approach this in oh so many ways,

I practice, I listen, i listen, every single day

Oh RaMa, you first came to me, during my very first yoga teacher training.

training that ended with the death of my mother.

A time of loss, accidents, divorce, a house fire, a soul draining.

Now you return to me at the passing of my brother.

The two people i always trusted to be

With this mantra, they left me

Balance I suppose in some twisted way.

Still it feels more like I’m being led astray.

How much more can i cry?

Doesn’t matter if i try or let go of the why.

To heal, i know i have to feel

Please help me grow,

Teach me what I must know

To get back to my groove,

Help this stuck energy to move

Return me back to the ease and flow

Oh sweet energy of the moon

Please come to cool me soon

Is this of my own doing, my own free will?

Yet such longing to be calm and still.

The more i try to settle and ground

I feel lost, missing the energy of the current of sound,

It hurts far too much right now to be present ,

This mantra i almost want to resent.

I am told the sounds when i chant,

The mantra touches hearts.

Anything to help others, I will do my part !

its healing vibration, it escapes me, i just cant.

I walk away, i meditate, I return,

Oh RaMa, what is it i have to learn?

Everywhere i go something Is asked of me

And from it i want to run and flee

I grumble Rama, you are part of the tears

Feeling my foundation crumble.

Thank you for forcing me to face my deepest fears .

I do thank you for keeping me humble.

The moon whispers of the human condition .

Asking me to rethink, shift position.

Ok Sa, Yes I know we all merge with the one,

I feel submerged, alone and simply want to run, be done.

RaMaDaSa, I’m not sure I even like you!

Yet deep inside if I trust,

And trust, I know I must,

Through this belief, you will see me through.

Playing you on this harmonium,

Feels unnatural as I pretend, I feel numb.

Trying to master, the tricky part at the end.

Knowing this will bring a change,

remembering this isn’t mine to arrange.

Playing from the heart, I don’t pretend,

Allow, allow allow to hopefully transcend

So much sorrow in all of this

Deep within I know is true bliss

My soul yearns for peace

And energy of sweet release

Suddenly i know what to do, I must.

Embrace all of me, oh human, remember to trust

As i sit back down to chant and play

After this fiery rant, something happens on this fine day

The mantra flows and flows

I let go i let go and i let go

Oh Guru Guru Ram Das Guru,

leaning in, I give myself over to you

I surrender then and am tenderly held by the One,

Ahh yes, finally i am cooled in the golden glow of the sun.

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